15 June 2009

EVIL words

Evil word #1: Career. The dreaded C-word. "What do you want to do with your life?" I DON'T KNOW. There's not a one thing I can imagine doing for the rest of my life and being happy. There are things I think it would be fun to do for a while....but not as a career. I don't think I could make a career out of the things I like to do. I'm not motivated enough to start my own business or go searching for a place that will let me follow my dreams (like news anchors that move to the middle of nowhere to get their start). I like to talk about stuff like museum curators or docents or tour guides. Hmmm. Maybe I have to the gift of teaching...but not the gift of liking kids. (FML) Maybe I just want to make money so I can go places. That's all I really want to do...go places.

Evil word #2: Date. Uh-oh, it's the D-word!! So we're friends..."friends"...and perhaps we may be interested in each other. We hang out. We can eat together and watch movies and y'know, whatever you do on dates... Oh, the splendor of mystery & what-if. But once you say the word 'date' you add pressure: It has to go well; You're testing the waters; It's a means to an end... I don't like pressure. How about we legitimately try being friends first before you just try to maul me, hm? Fricken hormones....

Evil word #3: Love. Ok, so this word isn't evil in & of itself. I don't actually think love is evil but that word is so misused and tossed around like it's nothing that it makes me ill. To keep this brief, I won't go into everything I think about this subject, but love isn't just a warm fuzzy feeling. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." If you can say that about your love after a couple of months, bravo. YOU are pretty darn special...(Gag me)

04 June 2009

I'm cleaning and unpacking

Yesterday I was out cuz I had an appointment, I had a thing at church, my friend was having a get together...
but today I'm staying in because there is nothing in the outside of my apartment world where my presence is required.

Mom: "You're just staying in today?"
Me: "Yeah, I have nothing to do."

-- does that not seem like a legitimate answer to the question? --

Mom: "You have plenty to do! You have to do your unemployment and find a job. There are plenty of jobs to be looked for! ...." etc etc...
Me: "ok! I KNOW. I just said I was going out today."

She wonders why I sound upset.

I am very aware that I have no source of income. & I so adore getting that shoved in my face in every conversation we have. Thanks for the reminder...

Negative reinforcement is not a motivator for me.