21 April 2010

Music Tuesday (or so...) hahaha

I half wrote my music tuesday entry when another song totally hit me hard in a different way than it had before...so I changed it up to uh, music Thursday...

Song:  Of Men and Angels by The Rocket Summer
Lyrics: I submitted corrections to LyricsMania so at least one site has them...
Listen on Myspace.

First, I would just listen to this and let it sink in.  It took hearing it for over a month before it spoke to me in the way it did.  I don't wholly relate to the theme I find in this song about someone who works really hard to get ahead in their life because the world dictates what success is: money, status, stuff.  And God wants you to live for him, not yourself and all the stuff and power you gain is really not that important when you're starved for God's love.  You may hear God telling you this isn't how He wants your life to be, but you ignore him....but then eventually surrender happens because you realize working for "the man" isn't as fulfilling as you thought it would be.  Where this song spoke to me was near the end where it says:

Hard earned pay or
Hard earned pain
right now they're just the same
What's the use?  
Why work so hard when it's not what you crave?
when what you need is Love

I keep working jobs that basically suck and have nothing to do with the goals I have for my life but I feel like I need to just keep on keeping on because I need to pay bills and I don't see any other way to survive.  In no way am I tasting hints of fame/worldly success in my workplace but I feel so completely unhappy in what I'm doing that I think either this is one horrible test of patience or I am doubting that God has something better for me.  Do you sense my lack of faith in just saying that?  It took me a bit of time to realize I truly am doubting that God has bigger plans for me and will take care of me.  God promises, in Philippians 4:19, "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

And there's this line in verse 2 that goes, "How can I go with mine instead of Yours when Yours is always right? I'm sorry, just pour into me..."

In the grand scheme of things I've been going with mine.  My only plan so far, really, has been San Diego.  I will do what I can just to be here.  In this economy where you take what you can get, it sounds crazy to leave a job based on discontent.  You're one of the lucky ones that's actually getting paid these days.  I'm really tired of working just for a paycheck when I know where I want to go with my life, the ever elusive job that you'd do for free (if money were no object).  My vision get clouded with what I want and I don't just forget to listen to God, but maybe I just don't want to listen.  I'm afraid of what He might say. I just need to trust that He has plans for my life that are bigger than I can see, and beyond what I feel I need to do to survive in this world.
It's over quoted, but let's not forget the truth in Jeremiah 29:11-13, " For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Next step: pray.

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