14 March 2008

God Whispers

I love hearing God speak. Most times when I hear Him I find that He can be pretty loud. Like when I'm reading the Bible and a verse I've read a hundred times suddenly has new meaning, or when it feels like a pastor is speaking directly to me or about something that's going on in my life in their sermon. It think of that as God yelling because He needs my attention...Perhaps I should have seen it coming or I didn't want to listen. When I feel like what I've read or heard literally hits me in the face I really realize how much God loves me and wants good things for me...and of course that I can't hide anything from Him. It's refreshing and that painful conviction is what I need sometimes. But I live for those moments when I feel something in my heart and know that was God speaking. Or a small thought enters my mind and I wonder where it came from but it gives me so much peace I know it had to be God.

Two Sundays ago I had such a moment. Miles was talking about getting involved in what's going on in the church and ministries, not just coming every Sunday like you're paying your dues. It doesn't seem very related to the sermon, but God told me to be content where I am and just put this peace in my heart.

I've been wanting to get involved with things but I haven't found something I really felt suited me or that I would get into just to get into something so I could feel better about doing something for God. I also like to think that being here might be temporary and I can up and go somewhere else whenever I want...Maybe I'll take off for Rome, or go back home or whatever, who knows? I like to think the options are there and I can take them at a moment's notice. I didn't want to commit to serving somewhere and then in a couple of months not want to do it anymore or go somewhere else...I don't just have commitment issues with boys, it's with everything--I just have a hard time settling on ONE thing, especially for an extended period of time.

I don't think God wants me to be continuously searching for the next escape. I need to keep my mind in the here and now and be grounded, not just dreaming about what could be. I need to think about where God wants me and how God can use me where I am. I'm in San Diego and I want to be here...I just need to start living like it.

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